Grumpyoldmen

I thought after being so serious……… it might be a good time to tell a joke.

Tough Cookies!

Upstairs in bed, a little old man was gasping for his last breath. Everyone had written him off as terminal, but suddenly he woke up and smelled fresh cookies baking in the kitchen downstairs.

He struggled down the steps and, to everyone's astonishment, appeared in the kitchen where his wife was baking. He saw a tray of cookies and reached out for one.

His wife slapped his hand and said, "Oh, no, you don't! Those are for the funeral!"

and here's another.......
Advice for the Lovelorn

"My husband has cheated on me from the beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job four years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy big cigars and cruise around and shoot the breeze with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college, he doesn't even pretend to like me. What should I do?"

"Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore. You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like one."

thanks brigette
www.pleasehelpmeImfalling.blogspot.com

I'm going to take the liberty of airing Hobbit's (a friend of our blog) comment on the posting “Common sense-is not so common anymore is it?”, so I can further explain grumpy old men's point of view.

“So what your saying is that the back of the hand was made for noisy prattish tykes on buses??

i like your thinking, illegal it would seem...but logical. Hobbit

What I’m trying to say is that too many parents mistakenly protect their children from the consequences of their actions….at school….on the street corner or even on a bus.
The result is that children are not learning the moral and social boundaries that past generations did and we as a society are all the poorer for it. Sometimes angry parents defend indefensible actions of their out of control children, rather than allowing their children to learn however painful that actions have consequences.

I think our society was better when all adults (within reason) challenged and chastised kids when they were misbehaving in public and without their parents.

My argument is not so much about hitting kids, as it is about us all abdicating our social and moral responsibilities and the consequences of that.

A couple years ago I was riding the upper deck of a bus into the city centre in the morning and two young men were smoking a joint on the back seat. I didn’t care whether it was a joint or cigarette just that they were breaking the rules of the bus company and I did not wish to put up with the smoke.

When I asked them to politely put it out their language was of course foul; they then went on to point out in their defence that no one else had complained only me. And that is the trouble today....I was the only brave or stupid soul to speak out. I even went downstairs to complain…but of course the bus driver was too afraid to eject these two.

If they want to smoke weed at their own house, that’s their business but not on a bus.
I know it seems such a minor point to rail on about but if we don’t defend the norm and structure of our lives then one day we will wake up to find total chaos…a world where the majority of reasonable people are cowed into silence by a small but violent minority…hang on a minute that sounds a bit like today?

We historically call it Common sense…it’s the thing that we all are supposed to possess. We used to use it to decide on the proper course of action, in a given situation. In the past it helped frame our common laws and morals.

Ancient man developed common sense to instintively warn him of the dangers in his world. As mankind developed further common sense spread into other areas of our lives, for ourselves and our families. Common sense taught us how to stay dry, warm, fed, alive.

Therefore to me the importance of “Common Sense” is paramont, without it as a species we would not have developed as far as we have.

Somewhere in the late 70’s during the “me generation” the development of our species hit a brick wall…..you think I jest…but no..I am ernestly serious.
Along with the beginning of the “me crowd” came the lowering of responibilites in our world. Suddenly clever lawyers were duping juries into not guilty verdicts due to a rush of blood, a moment of madness, the twinkie defense,diminished responsiblities seemed to get broader and broader. People who have done terrible things have gotten away with it,if they have a lot of money or a great lawyer.

Yet I see very little defense by us………of common sense, we ring our hands and bemoan the lack of common sense in today’s world but we moan and grumble amongst ourselves, not to our leaders (in business and politics).

This shrinking of common sense has seemingly left a vacuum which has been filled with an avalanch of rules and regulations; trying to make good the short fall of common sense. But we all know in truth this does not properly replace common sense. These often absurb rules just frustrate the majority of the people and yet rarely stop or curtail the behavior of the unruly few.

But in some small way we are all to blame and have neglected our moral and social responsibilites. We can't complain about the lack common sense if we are unwilling to speak out when it is absent.

When I was a school child misbehaving on a bus some adult would be sure to correct my behavior either verbally or even perhaps more forcefully by grabbing me and giving me a good telling off.
Today..doing such a thing would get the said adult arrested on all manner of charges and probably they would also run the gaunlet of the local/national media. Now don’t try and tell me we are a better, more caring, more civilized society now than 40 years ago.

If we trully want the world to be a better place we all have our parts to play, to stand up for what is right…and we all know right from wrong,
After all…..common sense tells us so.

© 2006. All rights reserved. No content on this website including, but not limited to, text and photography may not be reproduced without prior explicit written consent.

When I was still fairly good looking, married to my American wife and living
State-side…in blissful ignorance of the capabilities of a women.

I can even now look back (as long as I put my glasses on) to the memories of early mornings. You see my then wife named Lisa who was a vision of beauty, her long blonde hair…sometimes in a French Braid or just gently cascading down her statuesque perfect size 10 frame. Even although we were married she still had an air of mystery that I admired, a certain femininity that even I could not see beyond.

Our very different time tables, which meant I didn’t have to rise at the same time as her. Often half awake after reaching out and groping the empty-space next to me, I would dreamily watch her getting dressed and putting on her make-up.
She looked a picture of calmness, serenity, her hair just so…her choice of clothes perfect for the time of year. Even her choice of perfume seemed enough to leave a memory of her in the bedroom….not too much just enough to tease my senses. She looked so beautiful and yet also a professional businesswomen.

Rude Awakening

We lived in a rather plush high-rise apartment complex which was complete with it’s own built-in shops (similar to the ones you find in swanky hotels) these included a gym, mini-supermarket, clothes boutique and even a hairdresser.

We lived on the 7th floor and about to go to some forgettable social event.
Being a weekend the lobby and lifts were full…lots of people milling around as we got it the elevator. As we squeezed into the already full lift, we noted some familiar faces of neighbours in the crowd.

Suddenly and without warning my beautiful and demure wife who was standing at side, let out the loudest.. longest…smelliest fart I had every experienced anywhere in my life. As quickly as the gas attack ended she turned to me and asked…”OH Kevin how could you?”

Of course the rest of the full elevator presumed that I had let rip…not my sweet demure wife, who had managed to keep a straight face. The accusing looks that bore down on me as we all endured the remaining 6 floors of descent to the ground floor was almost unbearable. The smell lingered as we all impatiently waited for the lift to come to a complete stop before the doors began to open. My silent blushes only confirmed to my fellow passengers of my guilt.

© 2006. All rights reserved. No content on this website including, but not limited to, text and photography may not be reproduced without prior explicit written consent.

Mostly politicians…in the end get what they deserve.
Perhaps their political ambitions are born out of seeing injustice and wanting to put the situation right. But some how and somewhere in the long climb to the lofty heights of power their common sense and connection with the common man gets left behind. Perhaps the change is so incremental that change is not acknowledged…until the change is so great that it becomes something to be denied.

Both men and women from time to time have affairs but I can’t understand why people under the microscopic glare of the British Press would be dumb enough to think they can hide an affair for very long.

I’m not going to get into the politics of the day…the finger pointing etc, because the truth is that in my life time all the major parties have failed in one way or another; if only they were half as good as they thing they are we would all be better off….As the saying goes…”Power corrupts…and absolute power corrupts absolutely”.

Another unfortunate Headline the other day on my AOL home page read……
“Prescott gets probed by the police”….so it seems poor John is getting from all angles these days.

The Press we deserve?…There are no wieners
The other story surrounding this sorry affair is the state of the British Press….
Is there any depth they will not sink or stoop to just to titter late?
The Sun the other day ran a piece about Prescott lover’s accusation that poor John only has a 2 inch manhood and highlighted the fact by selling wiener sausages outside his office. Now this story….I have to admit is funny..in a sad sort of way but the really sad thing is often real news stories get overlooked or edited out to make space for tripe like this. As a newspaper reporter once told me….”We are not gonna let a little thing like truth get in the way of a good story”.

On a slightly more serious note the seeming demotion of Jack Straw mystified me. Regardless of your political views Mr Straw is a skilled Parliamentarian who is respected by many Tories and Libdems as well as other politicians around the world. At face value he has been loyal and competent cabinet minister, sometimes carrying out unpopular policies of the Prime minister, but now that seems enough to get him demoted?

I have just spent a great hour on the phone with my bank with all the modern technology we have got why is it that we have forgotten to actually speak to each other if I was in need of the Samaritans I would fear that I would have to choose a numder on my phone to get through to a department lets stop using emails and mobile phones and get back to talking it is not that bad.

After reading our recent posting “The Scary thing about”-Clubbing and Bushy Ears, one of our fellow members bemoaned that they have luxurious growing eyebrows indeed the person expressed a fear of becoming Patrick Moore (ish).

So I feel a need to cheer our colleague up with a few honest observations.
Firstly I’ve often seen pretty women (sometime 2 at a time in fact draped on the arms of Patrick Moore. Why is that you ask…. I believe it’s down to his sexy eyebrows..
Sexy ?…you say…yes to me they conjure up the image of 2 furry caterpillars in constant copulation because they are joined together; this unwittingly sends out a subliminal message which seems to be mostly picked up by very attractive young women. The subliminal message is of course that the wearer is constantly looking for copulation.

Another well-known man with a luxurious pair of caterpillars was Dennis Healey
He too seemed to attract much younger very beautiful women to his side.
Could this extra mane of hair remind sexually active women of our caveman past….Another subliminal message that touches their mostly dormant animalistic urges and draws them in. On the other hand my two caterpillars seem to be lurking in the Bushys.

© 2006. All rights reserved. No content on this website including, but not limited to, text and photography may not be reproduced without prior explicit written consent.

Technorati Profile

First let chris and I welcome all new friends and visitors to our blog which is already listed in the blog's top 20...wow...thanks

To read this posting you need to go to the article titled "Grumpyoldmen"-The trouble about women. Click on the comments and scroll down to the one by ChrisandKev titled
I Sit Down To Pee.

Enjoy..and keep those comments flying in.

When I was 18-25…..I enjoy night clubbing, dancing.
Occasionally a side effect of not finding a girl when clubbing was you had too much time to drink your beer and you’d ended up drunk. It was rare to go out and consciously get drunk, firstly you didn’t need to get drunk to have a good time…….indeed if you were too drunk to pull a bird you had failed. Equally drinks were relatively more expensive giving the wages paid in the 70’s and 80’s.

Several months ago these two grumpy old men decided to take the plunge and go clubbing in the Worcestershire town of Kidderminster….What an eye opener.

After a nice home cooked dinner we drove to the night-spot and were amongst the early arrivals. The average age looked about 22…we felt so old.
The choices of beer were not choice….just keg bitter or lager some things in clubbing never change. We found a table at a raise part of the floor plan, which would give us a good viewing advantage point.

By 11pm the place was fast filling up and I noticed that we seemed to be the only two sober people in the club?…..Seems that these days the gig is to get shit-faced before you go out.

Another half an hour on and I seemed to be often defending my beer from over zealous glass collectors. These days their main job is to pick up bottles since most of the drinks consumed were of a bottle variety.

Just then an empty beer bottle whizzed past my left ear..and then another and another.
No a fight hadn't broken out it was just the lazy glass/bottle collector who was throwing the empties over my shoulder rather than walk them into the wheelie bin a few feet away. I had to get very grumpy before he paid heed to my complaint.

Just then a kafuffle seemed to break out over in the direction of the wheelie bin. Had some poor fellow clubber been hit by one of the thrown bottles? Suddenly with the help of her friends a women unsteadily got to her feet looking very unwell, it was then that we noticed that this was infact a women of our own age group it seemed the only one in the club;the brief notion of a dance was interrupted by her noisily throwing up into the aforementioned wheelie bin. It was at that point we decided to call it a night.

Bushy Ears
It happens in your thirties but you don’t really pay it much attention until your into your early 40’s and some kindly person points out. "The hair growing out of your ears is in fact quite luxurious and definitely thicker than some parts of your scalp." You can ignore it no longer so you try shaving your ears only to discover how easily they bleed…..and bleed. You trim what you can see but by now without your glasses you miss quite a lot. The most embarrassing is after a visit to the hairdresser, when you unwittingly go home with your bushy ears in full view.
I mean ..shouldn’t a discreet hairdresser run their razor over your flowing locks to save your embarrassment and earn their tip?

I’m sitting here wondering what is the female equivalent, a moustache? Hairy nipples? Only on a topless beach I guess…now where are those damned earmuffs!!!

Just like an untreated dose of the clap, soap operas seem insidiously everywhere and have become a blight on civilised society.
What is the attraction since all around us is the soap opera of life?

If women can complain that there is too much football on TV these days I would like to make the same comment about the soaps.
Emerdale,Corrie,Eastenders,Home and Away,Neighbors and then all the medical soaps.

So just as an experiment I like the women to dress up in there best lingerie next time the footie is on….and guys I‘d like you to write your beloved a poem and when Corrie comes on stand in front of the screen and recite it.
If she throws something heavy at you duck out of the way…...yes even if the said object crashes into the TV.

You see you can’t get the soap opera out of your life…...but you could have a good excuse for a bigger screen in time for the world cup!